When someone asks how your day was and means it -

When someone asks how your day was and means it -- the reply is not so short and not so 'stock standard'  - Good thank you and how was your day ? No the reply is emotional and long ............
(I did make the last part of my reply into a second blog post titled when we get used to violence)

My lovely friend Robina Sent me an e mail asking how my week was? And this was my reply

You can see her blog and website here  :

http://www.numberfortyfive.com/

Hi Robina!

I got the handmade journal, it is beautiful - too good to write in LOL

Thanks - that brightened my day( these are awesome check them at number45 - they are by artist Chris Bolton form WA)

Well I'm still sick, feel miserable, don't want to be at work, but I'm here anyway 

infected sinus, the beginning of tonsillitis .......................

how is my week going you ask ??  - 

I have lost the passion for my work - 2 years in this job and i'm burnt out and don't care

but then that means people will die (no i'm not being dramatic, since you worked here  i know you know how sick the people are here anyway)

this week one person missed 7 x renal dialysis - we found him trying to drive a car - confused and rambling so we called the police to get him out of the car and took him to see the visiting renal consultant. (Not such an easy task in a community where the police are not thought of kindly! Fortunately without giving away confidential information we were able to convey to the onlookers we were worried about his health ).

"if he lives through the night we will see if he will go to [regional hospital] for dialysis "

          Person no: two refuses to go to [regional hospital] for dialysis and is just getting the odd                      dialysis here - she wont go because her daughter died of a sudden illness last year, her                          partner died and she had massive cardiac surgery and a 4 months in ICU 

she will die - or at least considerably shorten her lifespan before she will of to [regional hospital]- I accept that but it doesn't make it any less frustrating or hard.  Trying to coordinate  all the services involved inst easy ether 

Person no: three a 3 year old child that needs weekly medication - her mum was not bringing her into the clinic twice a week so under a lot of consultation we had the medications changed to weekly

she has not been in for 6 weeks ! we cannot find them this week

DCF closed the case earlier this year - i got them to re open it 

DCF were not aware that they had not attended the clinic for 6 weeks 

nobody followed up on this while i was away

in fact nobody followed up on the children's portfolio at all there are about a page of children that are really complex 

these kids are so sick - i cant spell half there conditions. so I'm not going to list them but believe me when i say OMG

I digress 

Person no: four and five

an elderly couple both with dementia - they keep getting kicked out of families houses so they live in the long grass, she cant push his wheel chair off to a decent homeless camp, which there are a few around here , so she pushes him of the side of the road into some scrub to sleep

with out family, guardianship or enduring power of attorney a nursing home placement is almost impossible although we do try to get them in for respite care occasional 

no medications

no check ups 

no one cares 

I care - but i don't have the energy - i get to work at least an hour late everyday - so disrespectful to be late to work on a regular basis -- but I DON'T CARE 

I cant fight the system any more 

I admit defeat 

and although i KNOW there are no solutions out here , there is no housing, no escape from the grog (alcohol restrictions are useless, grog is coming in on the back roads and being sold at 5 and 6 times the price it was brought for on the black market )

no escape from Domestic violence 

if you keep perspective and set small goals you can make a difference you can keep people alive just that bit longer , or make there already horrible lives just that bit easier and that is enough - I'm not going to save the world, i might not even save someone's life, but i do get to keep people alive just that bit longer to spend with there families, i do get to bring a bit of comfort to an otherwise hard life

(and in doing that have actually saved a life or two, a happy 'side effect' for lack of a better term). 

Yet knowing all that, practicing all that for the last two years and i have somehow been overwhelmed and am admitting defeat 

(although not out loud, not yet - every now and then a ray of hope pokes through the grey clouds)

I didn't mention that being involved in this community for 9 years

and working so closely with an Aboriginal elder and health worker, working in the town camps - or community living areas ,

I have my own skin name

I hardly need anything translated, i can understand more than i can speak Walpri but it is enough to get buy

I have learnt a lot of the culture and how to navigate it 

In doing that i am also privy to some of the hopelessness and the facts , story's and the events of the everyday life's out here, more so than most people, more than people sitting in an office or clinic anyway 

the smell of poverty is not something that can be breathed lightly 

hearing the story of a 6 year old that has been raped, or someone that has been beaten, someone that is dying or homeless or starving from the community, from the family is a lot different to hearing it on the news 

hearing it while standing in filth, breathing in the rotten garbage smell, the smell of overcrowding and unwashed bodies seeing the mange covered dogs and the children running around with sores and green snot dripping onto their top lips

is a lot different to hearing it in the sterile environment of a hospital or clinic.

Anyway that's my week, thanks for asking - I mean it - no one asks 

Oh and i think this e-mail covers your question on "something most people don't know about you"

in short - i'm not as happy as i appear and i'm quietly admitting defeat 

I hope you have a lovely weekend 

I'm planning on some packing and tidying of the house 

x

Rochelle